A Love Letter to Detroit

My job has taken me to some pretty glamorous places. Lake Tahoe, Chicago, Vail… and Detroit. Over the last few months I’ve spent a total of 4 weeks in Detroit, and I feel like the whole experience played out as one funny anecdote after another. For example….

The Cube

I’m used to getting pretty crappy rental cars - the HHR is a staple in my rental car repertoire. But all previous rental cars were blown away by the sheer crappiness of The Cube. Here are my staff, Johnny and Jenny, in front of our ride.

Every day without fail someone would pop their head into our audit room and ask if we were the ones driving around in the Cube parked out front. Yep, that would be us.

The Foam Factory

Down the street from our client is the Foam Factory.

For three and a half weeks I wondered what on earth was inside the foam factory… especially since it says, “Open to the Public”.

I had grand visions of Willie Wonka-esque rooms with foam walls containing foam furniture where you could smack people around with foam bats. Finally, Johnny and I couldn’t stand the unknown any longer, so we headed to the Foam Factory during lunch. It wasn’t exactly the foam heaven I’d imagined, but that didn't stop me from having a good time.

There was tall foam....

High foam...Long foam...Foam headboards...Stacked foam...Lounging foam...Couch foam...But the best foam of all was the bag of shredded foam. I love how Johnny is posing with it like it's his prom date.

All in all, it was a lunch well spent.

Auditing Fun

Just past the bowling alley...

... is our client.

I was in a couple different rooms, but during the last week I shared an office with Johnny.

The company takes its safety policies pretty seriously, and it's mandatory to wear safety glasses at all times. Especially while auditing.

(The wine bottle was there when we got there, I swear.)

I'm actually joking, we weren't required to wear safety glasses... we just found them since we sit next to the warehouse, where you actually ARE required to wear them. Along with the safety glasses, we found a random IMI Norgren (our client) polo shirt sitting in our room. One late night I forced Johnny to put it on and take pictures. He's a good staff, so he complied.

I like how the tags are still on the shirt.

This picture seriously cracks me up.

Even if not required, auditing in safety glasses is definitely more fun.

I run a pretty tight ship, and sometimes Johnny gets out of line.

I think he learned his lesson.

The Big Salad

Health food is hard to come by in Detroit, but we found a salad place, so we decided to try it for lunch. I quickly learned that a “full” salad (as opposed to my other option – a “junior” salad) in Michigan equates to a mixing bowl of salad that would feed a family of 4.

Depressing-ness

Detroit isn’t the most uplifting place right now. It’s cold. The skies are always gray. People are out of work. It’s really sad.

This business is across the street from our client. Their marquis reads, "Thanks for 40 years. Pray for our families."

There are abandoned homes and buildings everywhere.

Pretty sad stuff.

Dinner with the Mob

One night I wanted to try something different, so I did a Google search for restaurants in the area. I found an Italian restaurant nearby, so we decided to go there. When we showed up, we realized It was REALLY authentic. The waiters hardly spoke English and there were big Italian families all over the place. When I asked our waiter what his favorite dish on the menu was, he looked at me like I was an idiot and said, “I don’t think I understand your question.” After he left, we were joking that he was probably in the mob and just wanted us to eat and get out of there. The décor was a little odd… it was set up to look like Italy, but it was all very cheesy. I took some pictures to prove it, although I was using my phone so they came out pretty bad…

That's a palm tree behind Jenny.

The next day we told our client where we had dinner. “What?!” she exclaimed, “Did you know that’s a known Mafia hangout?!” She thought the whole thing was hilarious. I’m just glad I didn’t get whacked on my way out for taking pictures in a mobster restaurant.

The Red Ox

Across the parking lot from our hotel, in all its beauty, sits The Red Ox.

The Red Ox became legendary after Oscar and Nick (my two staff during my first stint in Detroit) went there every single night for a week. The Red Ox really DOES have a lot to offer. Aside from being conveniently located, it features giant TV’s, trivia, karaoke, and live music. Not too shabby. Probably the best part about the Red Ox is Al Martini. Al Martini is a 70-year-old man who attends karaoke twice a week (Sunday and Wednesday = Karaoke Night) and sings nothing but Sinatra. I’m pretty impressed with not only his stage name, but his absolute commitment to karaoke. The second best part about the Red Ox is Ramon. Ramon is from Cleveland, but drives into Detroit to sing at the Red Ox on Tuesday nights. Ramon takes requests, and he can play about anything. I also find that he sounds a LOT better after a few drinks

Trivia is pretty amazing, too. Johnny actually played with me, unlike Oscar and Nick. One of the questions asked which state’s capitol was also its largest city, and luckily we both got it right.

And look who won in the end!
(That would be me.)Johnny was a good sport and toasted to my win.

(I don't know why he says he looks funny in pictures.)

To sum it up, The Red Ox is awesome, and us Denver kids will certainly miss it.

Hockey Night

When my dad first heard I was going to Detroit in October, he told me I should go to a Red Wings game. I thought that was a great idea, so my entire team got tickets. It was really cool!

And these dudes’ hair was even cooler.

After the game we went to White Castle. I’d never seen one in person, so I was excited. I’m not sure it was good enough to warrant an entire movie about going there… but it was tasty.

The Pantry

Johnny and I tried a breakfast place called The Pantry. One of the guys at our client suggested it. He told us it was “pretty hard to see from the highway”, which I thought was an interesting observation considering I’d seen it every day when we were driving around.

The food was really good, but as we were finishing up, Johnny moved his plate and we both noticed a weird red streak across the table. We got really grossed out when we realized there was a piece of gum on the bottom of his plate!!!

So sick.

The Best Street Ever

Perhaps the best stretch of road in the history of roads is Hall Road near our client. One one side of the street is the chocolate factory.

And on the other side of the street is Boyland.
You stay classy, Detroit. I’ll miss you.